story of stuff

definitely worth taking a look.

do you know him?

heard this for the first time at willowcreek a few years ago.
pretty cool to see it shared at our own service on sunday.
powerful stuff.

i know him.

"the stand"

You stood before creation
Eternity in Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighted upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to you

I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
I am is yours
-hillsongs united

take heart

"I have told you these things,
so that in
me
you may have
p e a c e.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart!
I have overcome the world."
-John 16:33

"bohemian rhapsody"

i am SO impressed.
like wow.
WATCH THIS NOW

"amazed"

amazing.

what if?

if everyone cared

i don't particularly listen to these guys a lot, but i do believe that this is what the arts should do -give voice to the oppressed, be a catalyst for change, and unveil eyes to see God.

it's amazing when people in the mainstream entertainment industry use their art to speak of real life issues affecting our world and society. art has an amazing way of inspiring hearts and touching souls.

when art speaks it can change the world.

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be...
-nickelback

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." -Prov. 31: 8,9

the miniature earth

one of the most powerful things someone said to me was that God has truly blessed us with so much, but we were never meant to keep it to ourselves.

what will you do with what God has given you?

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." -2 Cor 8:9

click worthy:
miniature earth
the one campaign
the millenium campaign
compassion canada
the water project

thief

i can't see that thief that lives inside of your head
but can be some courage at the side of your bed
i don't know what's happening and i can't pretend
but i can be your, be your...
-olp

woman of strength

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape,
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything,
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her,
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future,
but a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly,
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face,
but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey,
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.
-d.cheeks

"Hope II"
Gustav Klimt

"A pregnant woman bows her head and closes her eyes, as if praying for the safety of her child. Peeping out from behind her stomach is a death's head, sign of the danger she faces. At her feet, three women with bowed heads raise their hands, presumably also in prayer—although their solemnity might also imply mourning, as if they foresaw the child's fate." (MoMa publication excerpt)

there are so many things that we cannot know or control, but regardless of the past, present, or future, we are always in the grip of His grace. there will always be hope if we draw our strength from the Lord.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
-Ps. 73:25-26

shannon's art

i recently came across a website by my screenprinting instructor. she's a great print artist who explores some interesting themes in in her work in various different ways. very cool girl. very personable. knowledgeable too. i received really encouraging feedback from her when she taught me. i think she was the first to say that she appreciated my willingness to push myself and experiment with the medium. it's always nice to hear that my thought process is appreciated and considered when evaluating the final product. especially with print media, the process is always just as important, if not more, than the final print itself. if you're not familiar with the process of printmaking, it's hard to fully appreciate the end product. perhaps it's like that with any art.

anyway, as i was perusing her site, i came across some things i connected with that i thought would be nice to share.

this is from a recent series she did called "four failed proposals for a world that won't exist". it's a series that presents a set of waking fantasies about breaking off from this world and finding a totally safe and untouchable place to exist. there's a very naive innocence about it that i love. i wonder if i've found the one who makes up for the holes in my socks. (click the pic)

this one, from her series "stones and ghosts", she revisits some of the haunting questions of faith and beliefs of her childhood .

"In church, I often heard it said that nothing I could do would ever make God love me less. This was meant to indicate his boundless forgiveness, but it only made him seem immobile. Like nothing I could do would ever make God love me MORE."
sometimes i think about that. i know God loves me. i know he never changes and that his love for me is steadfast. i know the gospel. i lead worship all the time. "how great the father's love for us..."-one of my all-time favourites. i know i have experienced love and i have given love just the same. i know that as humans we can always work on loving each other more deeply like the bible calls us to. but when it comes to God, he can never love us more than he already does now. i know i am loved and i know love isn't a feeling, but sometimes i just don't feel it. is it just because i don't understand the full extent of how much God loves me? i guess sometimes it can be a bit abstract. two people can work on their love for each other. God will never need to work on loving us more but for us to love God more is a lifelong process. does it make sense to ask God to love us more? or will it always be us asking for more understanding or revelation of this great love? if i don't feel loved, even by other people, if i feel like i want or need to be reminded all the time, does it mean that i'm severely insecure? maybe a strong secure person "just knows" and is simply satisfied with that. no need for affirmation. even if it happens, it would just be a bonus. people have always told me i'm a strong person, man-arms aside. but deep down, i know better.

salt retreat

Your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder
Your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze
Your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendour
You’re close and yet full of mystery

Ever since the day that I saw Your face
Try as I may, I cannot look away, I cannot look away…

Captivated by You
I am captivated by You
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty of Your face

Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my gaze
I become more like You and my heart is changed
Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my view
Transform me into the likeness of You

This is what I ask, for all my days
That I may, never look away, never look away

Captivated by You
I am captivated by You
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty of Your face

No other could ever be as beautiful
No other could ever steal my heart away
I just can’t look away

Captivated by You
I am captivated by You
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty of Your face
-v.beeching


2.16-18.07

white christmas

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
and children listen to hear sleighbells in the snow..."

every year, i hope it's a white christmas. i can't imagine christmas without snow. the fluffy snow that blankets everything in a pure white and glistens in the sunlight. i love watching the snow fall. not that violent blizzard type of snow fall, even though that's pretty amazing sometimes if you're indoors, but it's those lovely gentle snowflakes that flutter through the air and dance with the wind that i find mesmerizing. it makes everything feel so romantic. i could watch that forever. (and really, how do they know that every snowflake is different? is that like...every snowflake that has ever fallen in the history of the world? or is it possible that a particular shape of snowflake that fell in toronto this year could reappear again next year in say, like....russia? somebody, please explain this to me. it blows my mind.) anyhow, i love this time of the year. i'm waiting for the first snow that will last. i hope it really is a white christmas.

but then every year i think, what about them? it's supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year". i can't imagine this time of year to be most wonderful, if wonderful at all, for those without homes, warmth, food, family. and here i am, hoping for a beautiful white christmas. what i'm hoping so much for every year could kill people. literally. and it does. every year.

i usually keep it to myself and forget about it as i celebrate the holiday season, but this year i'd like to do something different. even if it won't make much of a difference. i usually try avoid going to any kind of fancy banquet that raises money for charity, not that i have anything against them because i know that it gets people's attention and the turnouts are usually great, which makes it an effective tool to raise awareness about social issues. but in the end, i know that the money i pay to go is partly so that i can have a good time, and quite frankly i know i wouldn't be focusing on the charities i'm supposedly supporting by being there.

this year, i know where i want my money to go. i'd like to remember those that this season tends to forget. i'd like to stock up on some warm things like hats, mittens, scarves and socks and provide for those who need it the most this time of the year because i know i've been blessed with plenty. because i know i can. maybe there's a way to go around with a hot meal too. the hot chocolate worked nicely last time. but that's what i'd like to do for at least a day or two. maybe it can be part of being jesus with skin on.

would anyone care to join me?

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' " -Matt. 25:37-40

"baby got book"

they showed this at c4c one week. quite funny....although i don't know how i feel about some of the lyrics :P

"what if"

"For a friend who thinks this Jesus stuff is nuts."

What if you’re right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true?

What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That’s all you find?

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold?

You’ve been running as fast as you can
You’ve been looking for a place you can land for so long
But what if you’re wrong?
-n.nordeman

"Doubting Thomas"
Caravaggio

my wicked week

alright. so last week, because of a friend's convincing, i entered a singing competition that was going on as part of the promotion for the musical wicked. (which is just WICKED, i must say. and if you haven't seen it...what the heck are you waiting for?) it was held in different cities in the states and canada...well, just toronto. each contestant had to sing a clip from one of 5 songs from the musical. the songs were all posted online with mp3 tracks where you can practice and stuff. it was pretty convenient. and on the day of, you'd be singing along with the track with a karoke machine. so it was pretty hassle free.

so the first round was an online part, where anyone could send in a video of them singing one of the songs, and people would vote online for who would be finalists for the live competition on "wicked day". the second round (for canada) was on oct 22 with live auditions at the eaton's centre downtown. the first 30 people to register would get to sing. and then the last round was the day after at hillcrest mall. why hillcrest, i don't know. but it was close so that was the one i went to.

registration officially started at 4, but i was advised to get there as soon as i could. so i took the bus and went right after my class that ended at 2. i got there just before 3 and there were quite a few people lining up already. so i waited at the end of the line. i felt a little out of place because most of the people were teenagers...musical theatre fanatics with loud personalities that i didn't care too much to be associated with when i was in elementary/high school. but somehow i endured an hr of waiting in this line...and i wasn't even sure if i'd be able to sing. i didn't know if all of this would just be a waste of time. but i waited. just to see what would happen.

at 4 they started letting people in. they let the first 30 in, and guess what number i was. 31. that's right. 31. but...turns out that the guy in front of me had auditioned the day before downtown and didn't make it to the finals. according to the rules, you can only sing once in the auditions so i became number 30. and that was the end of the waiting. it was pretty sad to see some kids going away crying and have their parents try to fight for them and everything...and of course, chinese people trying to bargain their way in. (be a man...do the right thing...y'kno)

so the actual competition started at 5. yay for andrew and karen who showed up and kept me company! i was the last to sing. there were a few who i thought were great. but i dunno...a lot of them were kids and i don't think you can really compare kids voices with more mature ones because their voices are still developing. (other than the black lady beside me, who was great, i was the next oldest. and yes, i do realise i am one of shortest.) there was this one boy tho, who couldn't have been older than 12, that was fantastic. very cute. but he probably wont' sound like that next year...but anyway. i sang...it was ok. i had some things to work on. but i made it to the top 10 of this round, and so did that boy :) so that was cool. the finals would be a week later with the top ten finalists from the eatons center round, the hillcrest round, and the one girl who won the online vote.

so this past sunday was the finals at eatons center. it was pretty much the same deal. lots of teenagers, some that were really good. i was around 13th to sing. i was a bit more nervous for this one...more people, bigger location. and this time there would only be one winner. one out of 21. the prize would be: 6 tickets to see wicked, 6 autographed programs, $250 gift certificate for hillcrest, eaton's center, and city grill, 10 hours of professional training, and 10 weeks of auditions with a talent agency. very wicked prize.

anyway, so i sang. with dennis taping me on my camera. i'm glad i had a friend there with me. i don't think i would have done it if i was by myself. i didn't win, but i'm pretty happy with how i did. and i got some feedback from one of the judges too...the guy who plays the wizard in the production.

overall, it was a good experience. it took me a while to decide whether to do it or not, mainly because i don't often sing outside of church or worship settings. with those, i'm fine because i know that ultimately, it's not about how good i sound. it's about pointing people to God. the focus is never on me. but with a singing competition...well...it's about you and your voice. your voice compared to other people's voices. and that's scary. and i was scared that if i didn't win this, i would be thinking that i'm not good enough and all that yucky stuff and it would affect the way i sing for God. but i'm glad that wasn't the case. i know that i've been blessed with a gift, regardless of the outcome of this competition. it was a fun experience, and i'd consider do it again if i had the chance. i'm proud of myself for actualyl doing this. this is very out of character for me. but i guess sometimes you just gotta challenge yourself and just take a chance. nothing to lose.

thanks to those who called or messaged to wish me luck and wanted to be there but couldn't. and of course, thanks to those few who actually came with me too :)

here's my final performance at the eaton's center this past sunday. enjoy.



Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try Defying gravity
I think I'll try Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

my grandfather

sent monday october 23:

hey guys...

yesterday night my family found out that my grandfather (dad's dad) has some kind of cancer in his stomach. about 2 weeks ago, he had an ulcer and was put on medication for it. he went back for a checkup yesterday and the doctor found out he had cancer. he's waiting to see a specialist so at this point, the details are unclear.

my grandmother gets sick pretty often too, so she's pretty worried about him. my mom is hoping to arrange for someone from csc to visit them. apparently there are a few people from our church who live in their building. we told my grandparents that we would be praying for them and when my mom asked my grandmother if she would like someone from the church to visit, she said yes, which is amazing because she's usually not up for stuff like that. both of them aren't believers so we're praying that through this they can come to know God somehow.

my dad is pretty stressed out right now with work too so he's having a hard time dealing with it. the news is pretty recent so for me, it hasn't really settled yet. nothing like this has ever happened to my family so i'm not really sure how i feel about it...

i'm blessed to have a family who prays together, and i'm thankful for brothers and sisters like you whom i can share my burdens with. if you could please remember my grandparents and my family in your prayers at this time, that would be much appreciated. thanks :)

in Him,

joyce

sent sunday october 29:

hi everyone,

i just wanted to say thank you very much for your prayers for my grandfather and our family in this difficult time. my family and i are very touched by the prayer support the church has given us. this afternoon, pastor bernard and 2 aunties went with my family to visit my grandparents. after an afternoon of chatting, both my grandparents opened their hearts to receive Christ. praise God indeed for how amazing he is...that he can change the hearts of the young and the old. wow. (and sometimes God sure works fast!)

tomorrow morning my grandfather will be going in for surgery and will be staying at the hospital for two weeks. please pray for him, that he wouldn't be too worried but that he would learn to put his trust in the Lord, and for the doctors that everything would go smoothly. praise God that my grandfather was able to see this specialist so soon because we were told that he's a very good doctor, but usually extremely busy, so thank for God that. we're thankful that we also found a sister in the church that is going to take care of my grandmother and help her around the house full time for the next while. please continue to pray for the physical health and the spiritual health of my grandparents.

thanks once again for the support you've shown me and my family. i'll keep you updated on how my grandfather's doing. we know that the Lord is definitely at work. our God is truly and awesome God.

have a blessed week,

joyce

how amazing is that.

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." -Luke 15:4-7

"synopsis"

after a few weeks of a rather frustrating creative block, i have finally finished my "hybrid" litho print. we were supposed to put together 2 things that didn't normally go together and make a hybrid. i spent the whole afternoon today working in the studio. that's right. a saturday. and it feels soooooo good to be done early. i'm quite happy with the way it turned out.

i call this "synopsis".

(click for full view)

in early christian art, symbols were used for each of the gospel writers. people in our present day and culture aren't too familiar with them now, and i think it may have more catholic associations, but they would have been understood by the public in renaissance times and before. the symbol for matthew (top left) was a divine man, because his gospel was about jesus' humanity. mark's was a lion because his gospel was about jesus' royal status as king. luke (bottom left) was a bull, because it focuses on jesus' sacrifice and in biblical times they sacrificed bulls or oxen. and john's was a rising eagle because it was about eternal life.

because the gospels are different accounts of the same or similar events, you can see or read them together in parallel. that's why they're called the synoptic gospels. the common understanding of the word synopsis we use now has kind of diverted from the original greek, which means "together" (syn) "seeing" (opsis). with this piece, you see the whole gospel all at once. and it's only when you understand each symbol or gospel that you can fully encounter who Jesus is and what he did for humanity.

"miles"

it may be miles and miles before the journey's clear
there may be rivers, maybe oceans of tears
the very hand that shields your eyes from understanding
is the hand that will be holding you for miles
-n.nordeman

"the artist lifts the veil" -h. bergson

excerpt from an article i've been looking for since i first read it in grade 10.
maybe i'll comment later.

What is the object of art? Could reality come into direct contact with sense and consciousness, could we enter into immediate communion with things and with ourselves, probably art would be useless, or rather we should all be artists, for then our soul would continually vibrate in perfect accord with nature. Our eyes, aided by memory, would carve out in space and fix in time the most inimitable of pictures. Hewn in the living marble of the human form, fragments of statues, beautiful as the relics of antique statuary, would strike the passing glance. Deep in our souls we should hear the strains of our inner life’s unbroken melody,--a music that is ofttimes gay, but more frequently plaintive and always original. All this is around and within us, and yet no whit of it do we distinctly perceive. Between nature and ourselves, nay, between ourselves and our own consciousness a veil is interposed: a veil that is dense and opaque for the common herd,--thin, almost transparent, for the artist and the poet. What fairy wove that veil? Was it done in malice or in friendliness? We had to live, and life demands that we grasp things in their relations to our own needs.

[...]

In short, we do not see the actual things themselves; in most cases we confine ourselves to reading the labels affixed to them. [...] From time to time, however, in a fit of absentmindedness, nature raises up souls that are more detached from life. Not with that intentional, logical, systematical detachment--the result of reflection and philosophy--but rather with natural detachment, one innate in the structure of sense or consciousness, which at once reveals itself by a virginal manner, so to speak, of seeing, hearing or thinking. Were this detachment complete, did the soul no longer cleave to action by any of its perceptions, it would be the soul of an artist such as the world has never yet seen. It would excel alike in every art at the same time; or rather, it would fuse them all into one. It would perceive all things in their native purity: the forms, colours, sounds of the physical world as well as the subtlest movements of the inner life. But this is asking too much of nature. Even for such of us as she has made artists, it is by accident, and on one side only, that she has lifted the veil. In one direction only has she forgotten to rivet the perception to the need. And since each direction corresponds to what we call a SENSE--through one of his senses, and through that sense alone, is the artist usually wedded to art. Hence, originally, the diversity of arts. Hence also the speciality of predispositions. This one applies himself to colours and forms, and since he loves colour for colour and form for form, since he perceives them for their sake and not for his own, it is the inner life of things that he sees appearing through their forms and colours. Little by little he insinuates it into our own perception, baffled though we may be at the outset. For a few moments at least, he diverts us from the prejudices of form and colour that come between ourselves and reality. And thus he realises the loftiest ambition of art, which here consists in revealing to us nature. Others, again, retire within themselves. Beneath the thousand rudimentary actions which are the outward and visible signs of an emotion, behind the commonplace, conventional expression that both reveals and conceals an individual mental state, it is the emotion, the original mood, to which they attain in its undefiled essence. And then, to induce us to make the same effort ourselves, they contrive to make us see something of what they have seen: by rhythmical arrangement of words, which thus become organised and animated with a life of their own, they tell us--or rather suggest-- things that speech was not calculated to express. Others delve yet deeper still. Beneath these joys and sorrows which can, at a pinch, be translated into language, they grasp something that has nothing in common with language, certain rhythms of life and breath that are closer to man than his inmost feelings, being the living law-- varying with each individual--of his enthusiasm and despair, his hopes and regrets. By setting free and emphasising this music, they force it upon our attention; they compel us, willy-nilly, to fall in with it, like passers-by who join in a dance. And thus they impel us to set in motion, in the depths of our being, some secret chord which was only waiting to thrill. So art, whether it be painting or sculpture, poetry or music, has no other object than to brush aside the utilitarian symbols, the conventional and socially accepted generalities, in short, everything that veils reality from us, in order to bring us face to face with reality itself. It is from a misunderstanding on this point that the dispute between realism and idealism in art has arisen. Art is certainly only a more direct vision of reality. But this purity of perception implies a break with utilitarian convention, an innate and specially localised disinterestedness of sense or consciousness, in short, a certain immateriality of life, which is what has always been called idealism. So that we might say, without in any way playing upon the meaning of the words, that realism is in the work when idealism is in the soul, and that it is only through ideality that we can resume contact with reality.

satisfied?

i went to fellowship tonight. this girl gave a talk on the holy spirit and living a spirit-filled life. i thought it was quite good. very practical. and she didn't make it seem as complicated or mysterious as some of us christians make matters regarding the holy spirit to be. anyway, i picked up one of her booklets at the end called "satisfied?". it goes through different stages of what it means to live a spirit-filled life...kind of like a tract. it finishes off with an analogy i thought was pretty cool:

Do Not Depend on Feelings

To be transported by an airplane, we must place our faith in the trustworthiness of the aircraft and the pilot who flies it. Our feelings of confidence or fear do not affect the ability of the airplane to transport us, though they do affect how much we enjoy the trip. In the same way, we as Christians do not depend on feelings or emotions, but we place our faith in the trustworthiness of God and the promises of His Word.

i love flying. i always have. i pray that i can love trusting in Him to bring me wherever just as much.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith." -Eph 3:16-17

2 chronicles 15

God is very good.
i needed a reminder.
i needed to taste and see and know.

once again, i'm making the attempt to start my day off with God. i'm really not a morning person. i slept pretty late yesterday night. but then i woke up early, on a saturday morning, because i couldn't go back to sleep. i felt really hungry...had that feeling in the pit of my stomach. so i had to get up. but then i had remembered one thing i had written down in my action plan yesterday when we had our spiritual check-up at salt. i wanted to start my day off with God. at the end of the day, before bed, just isn't going to cut it. i've been going through some struggles lately. one day i just fell apart. not so much because of the situations, but because God wasn't there. i was too busy being distracted by other things. so this morning i actually spent time with God. before doing anything else. i actually did it.

for the last while i have been going through 2 chronicles. i've been trying to get through it for a while now. it's just one of those books i've never really read. they say it's a difficult book to read, especially during devotions. it's really just history. good kings, bad kings, battles, temple talk...and it's repetitive. so for a while it was really hard to be consistent. so i prayed before i read, and was just like...ok, y'kno God, this book is tough. it's kinda boring. but when it comes down to it, they're still your words. and from what i know, "the word of God is living and active". please let me see how it can be living and active in my life today.

so i read.

the chapter starts with the prophet azariah giving a prophecy to king asa. he says:

"Listen to me, Asa and all Judah and Benjamin. The LORD is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you. For a long time Israel was without the true God, without a priest to teach and without the law. But in their distress they turned to the LORD, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them. In those days it was not safe to travel about, for all the inhabitants of the lands were in great turmoil. One nation was being crushed by another and one city by another, because God was troubling them with every kind of distress. But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded." (vs 2-7)

if you seek, you will find.
and really, i had not been seeking.
want God to be with you? then be with him.
wasn't really doing that either.

but no matter how long israel was without God, they just had to seek after God, and he was found. sometimes, it's really hard to see God in certain circumstances. you can say all the christian cliche things to yourself and to others, but it's not really taken to heart. it's not living and active. but really look hard. really seek. be strong and don't give up. he will be found.

the passage continues to say how asa "took courage" (v8) and got rid of all the false idols from his land and the ones he captured. people from other tribes came and settled where he was "when they saw that the Lord his God was with him" (v9). as the king, he gathered all the people and they all "entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul...All Judah rejoiced about the oath because they had sworn it wholeheartedly. They sought God eagerly, and he was found by them. So the Lord gave them rest on every side." (v12, 15)

rest. how beautiful is that? our God is a God of peace. of rest. seek after him, and he'll give you rest. physically, emotionally, mentally. he'll give you peace. peace about yesterday, today, and tomorrow. just seek. you'll find.

it concludes saying that "Asa's heart was fully committed to the Lord all his life" (v17).

seek, find, and rest.
God is very good indeed.



"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the attitudes of the heart." -Heb 4:12

strength

that's what i need more of.

Isaiah 40 ...so long, but so good..

Comfort for God's People

1 Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.

2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD's hand
double for all her sins.

3 A voice of one calling:
"In the desert prepare
the way for the LORD ;
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God.

4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.

5 And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all mankind together will see it.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

6 A voice says, "Cry out."
And I said, "What shall I cry?"
"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.

7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
because the breath of the LORD blows on them.
Surely the people are grass.

8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."

9 You who bring good tidings to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
"Here is your God!"

10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.

11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?

13 Who has understood the mind of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?

14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.

16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.

17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by him as worthless
and less than nothing.

18 To whom, then, will you compare God?
What image will you compare him to?

19 As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.

20 A man too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot.
He looks for a skilled craftsman
to set up an idol that will not topple.

21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?

22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

"Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD."
-Ps 27:14

faith

The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"

He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. -Luke 17:5-6

i don't need more faith. i just need some.

i'm tired.
tired of waiting.
tired of making plans.
tired of hoping.
tired of hearing advice and God-talk.
tired of trying to laugh it off.
tired of excusing people who don't get it.
tired of feeling guilty.
tired of having to be strong.
tired of crying.

just tired.

i'm trying to hang on.
i can be short-sighted, i know.
but it's really hard.
being supportive is hard. waiting is hard.
waiting for so long is really hard.

sometimes i just get tired.
really tired.


"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for
and certain of what we do not see." -Heb. 11:1

crazy

thoroughly impressed with this video.
wow.

summer 2006

a little overdue, but yeah...this summer went by pretty fast i guess...as all summers seem to have their way of slipping by. it was a difficult summer for me, but i had some great times too. successfully finished 5 courses in summer school, built new relationships, strengthened old ones, dealt with some hard ones along the way. generally lots of learning, fellowshiping, and fun. i rarely do photo updates, but here are some highlights of the last few months:


5.29-6.5: philadephia
> getting Syd settled in...the beginning of my summer.


5. 27-8.19: lighting it up, all summer long


> miss "i don't drink coffee or any coffee products" started having ice caps this summer...they're quite yummy :) but i still don't drink coffee.


7.3: casaloma
> back for my birthday...that's nice :)


7.3: alice fazooli's
> nice, but very expensive birthday dinner with my buddies (hey, who's taking this picture? haha)


7.10: dinner at marlowe
> not quite 7.11, but i'm glad you were still here. that dvd rocked my socks off :)


7.28-30: summer retreat, redeemer college
> good times, alpha and omega. stir it up.


8.24: (see aug 28 entry)


8.25: charity ball, le parc
> ok, i dig the polka dots :P


8.31: ccsa softball banquet, hilton suites
> once again, very proud of you guys :)


9.2: year end celebration
> thank you guys for your fellowship...till next season!

* * *


> man, we spent a lot of time together this summer didn't we...never without good food tho! :) you guys know how fantastic you are. so proud of this team we have here. keep shining :)


> you guys are like family. love you guys like crazy! go 84's!


> you were the best part of my summer. i'm so thankful you were back. so blessed by our friendship, sistah! :)

* * *

all the best to everyone this coming school year. stay strong...
jomama. out.

(oh and thanks to people who take pictures at different events...cuz i certainly didn't take these. wait, ok...i took one -the one of bobby's head.)

always missing you, silly

"a good night's rest"

“A Good Night’s Rest”

Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministries

Key Verse:

Proverbs 3:24, “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.” (NIV)

Devotion:

Do you have a hard time getting a good night’s sleep? Some call it insomnia, but I call it Satan. I’m always amazed at how often our enemy, the devil, invades the crevices of my thought life when I lay my head down to rest each night – particularly if I’ve had a difficult or simply busy day. There have been numerous times where I lie awake at night, too consumed by my anxious thoughts for my desperate soul and body to have a good night’s sleep. Good and bad thoughts of my children, the fight I had with my husband that morning, my endless to-do list for the next day, or worry over a sick friend or family member replay themselves over and over in my mind.

Though God designed us to need sleep, we often lose it worrying. We worry about the things we need to get done, the future, or the angry words we spoke to someone. All this worry can rob us of precious physical rest. It may not take a genius to figure out how we got ourselves into that sleepless state, but it sometimes feels like it will take a genius to get us out of it, particularly if our circumstances aren’t changing. So how do we find the spiritual, mental, and emotional rest our bodies long for? May I encourage you to make your sleep a matter of prayer?

Why lie awake consumed with worries when you can pray? We find rest by coming to Jesus. How do we come to Him? By prayer and petition, as Philippians 4:6-7 says, presenting our requests to God. When you ask Jesus to take away your burdens, be specific about naming the things that are weighing on you. Make it a practice to come before Him and offer to make a trade – the heavy bundle you’re carrying for His much lighter load, as Matthew 11:28-30 suggests. Then, claim the rest He offers today.

Jesus longs to give us sleep that is sweet. When we lie down at night, we are to have a sense of comfort and assurance that He can handle the circumstances of each and every day. We don’t have to be afraid because God is more than able to take us off the wheel we are frantically running on and grant rest for our souls—spiritual rest.

Spiritual rest is a rest and peace that we cannot understand. In fact, it is so supernatural that it works! When we come to Jesus, emptying ourselves and declaring our weaknesses regarding our ability to fix whatever problem we are facing, the power of the Holy Spirit can overwhelm our souls and bring an unexplainable peace that works like nothing else will.

Spiritual rest is unique because it renews us in a way that physical rest never can. It provides emotional strength deep within. When your soul is at rest, panic within the heart simmers down and physical limitations become less overwhelming. Jesus promises that His yoke is light and easy to bear. Doesn’t that sound like the relief you long for?

When we search for rest in the Lord, the unanswered questions of life can find contentment in the Sovereignty of God. This allows us to be okay with putting aside our weapons in fighting battles with those we love that have grown distant from us. As I said earlier, Satan desires to rob us of our rest and keep us in a frantic state. He wants us to believe that rest is not possible. He wants us to worry and lose sleep. By doing all these things, he can make us ineffective as wives, mothers and servants of God. In this life, we will always have worries— it is what we do in response to those worries that makes all the difference.

Reflection Points:

Take a few moments and step outside of yourself to assess your perspective right now. Has sleepless nights of worry allowed Satan to get a foothold on your thought life? Has it paralyzed your everyday life, making you ineffective as a wife, mother, friend, or mentor? If so, through prayer, reclaim those areas for Jesus to rule over and tell Satan to get behind you!

Power Verses:

John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (NIV)

Psalm 4:6, 8, “Many are asking, ‘Who can show us any good?’ Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” (NIV)

Deuteronomy 33:12, “Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.” (NIV)

Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (NIV)

lord of the rings

on thursday, august 24th, 2006 a company of four friends ventured into the realm of the ma's on a journey thought by other men to be sheer madness and folly: to watch all three lord of the rings movies in one day. extended version.

despite the last minute breakdown of an otherwise fabulous big screen surround sound home theatre system (maybe it, too, was daunted by the task), multiple unexpected breaks for phone calls, spilled food, and "business", it was all in all good fun, good food, good people, and we all managed to go home with our eyeballs intact.

i was never much of a lord of the rings fan (uhoh..hannah's going to come get me) but i was interested in seeing all of them. there's a timelessness about the story. i'm thoroughly impressed by the special effects too. much better than the narnia movie, i thought. there are a lot of deep truths in all the movies as well, which i didn't pick up on before.

here are some memorables from "fellowship of the rings":

Frodo: I cannot do this alone.
Galadriel: You are a Ring-bearer, Frodo. To bear a Ring of Power is to be alone.
[pulls out her hand]
Galadriel: This is Nenya, the Ring of Adament. And I am it's keeper. This task was appointed to you, and if you do not find a way, no one will.
Frodo: I know what I must do, it's just that... I'm afraid to do it.
Galadriel: Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

(but she's still kinda freaky...)

Frodo: It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance.
Gandalf: Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.

(Gandalf is the coolest guy ever.)

from "the two towers":

Frodo: I can't do this Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding on to Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

(little whiney frodo would be nothing without sam. what a friend.)

Faramir: The enemy? His sense of duty was no less than yours, I deem. You wonder what his name is, where he comes from, and if he really was evil at heart. What lies or threats led him on this long march from home, or he would not rather have stayed there... in peace? War will make corpses of us all.
(a little sobering, in the light of all the middle-east crisis going on right now...)

from "the return of the king":

Sam: [Both are overcome by exhaustion] Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?
Frodo: No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I'm... naked in the dark. There's... There's nothing. No veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him... with my waking eyes.
Sam: Then let us be rid of it... once and for all. Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you.
(samwise the brave saves the day...once again)

Elrond: You're outnumbered, Aragorn. You need more men.
Aragorn: There are none.
Elrond: There are those who dwell in the mountain.
Aragorn: Murderers. Traitors. You would call upon them to fight? They believe in nothing. They answer to no one.
Elrond: They will answer to the king of Gondor.
[pulls out Anduril]
Elrond: Anduril, Flame of the West, forged from the shards of Narsil.
Aragorn: Sauron will not have forgotten the sword of Elendil. The blade that was broken shall return to Minas Tirith.
Elrond: The man who can wield the power of this sword can summon to him an army more deadly than any that walks this earth. Put aside the ranger. Become who you were born to be. Take the Dimholt Road.
[pause]
Elrond: I give hope to men.
Aragorn: I keep none for myself.

(i love that...become who you were born to be. reminds me of lion king. "remember who you areeeee...")

Aragorn: Hold your ground, hold your ground. Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down, but it is not this day. This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you *stand, Men of the West!*

and...

Theoden: Eomer. Take your Èored down the left flank. Gamling, follow the King's banner down the center. Grimbold, take your company right, after you pass the wall. Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise. Arise, Riders of ThÈoden. Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered. A sword day... a red day... ere the sun rises.
Eowyn: [to Merry] What ever happens, stay with me. I'll look after you.
[the King rides past his men, hitting their spears with his sword as he goes]
Theoden: Ride now... Ride now... Ride. Ride for ruin and the world's ending.
[He stops and prepares to face Sauron's army]
Theoden: Death!
Rohirrim: [echoing] Death!
Theoden: Death!
Rohirrim: [echoing] Death!
Theoden: DEATH!
Eowyn, Merry: DEATH!!
Theoden: Forth, Eorlingas!

("DEAAAAATTTHHH!!!!" waiting for your pep talk, bobby. i'll bring my horn.
and sorry, eowyn, can't have someone who's taken. duh.)

Gandalf: Farewell, my brave Hobbits. My work is not finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea, comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.

(haha, take that, ike. i'm gonna go cry now.)

"One Ring to Rule Them All.
One Ring to Find Them.
One Ring to Bring Them All
and In The Darkness Bind Them."

(steve, you HAVE to take a picture like this. it is SO doable.)

it was a good day, friends. until next time....

keep it secret...keep it safe.

"shame and grace" excerpt - l. smedes

But important as clothes are to what we look like, they are more deeply the metaphors of what we are. They are signs of our mystery, and mystery is the sign of a real self:

If we have no privacy, we have no mystery, and if we have no mystery we have no self.

If we have no privacy, we have no depth: we are on the surface, transparent, superficial, shallow, boring.

If we have no privacy, we have no sacredness: we lose our boundaries, and we have no place within that is holy to ourselves. Take away our scaredness, and we lose our core.

If we have no privacy, we lose our identity: it is swallowed in the mass. We do not know who we are even if we are celebrities and everybody on earth knows our name.

14 things you didn't know about mosquitoes

Sameh Fahmy
The (Nashville) Tennessean
Jul. 10, 2003 12:00 AM

It starts with that whining sound. You look around, searching for the source, knowing you're in trouble. Before you can escape - ouch!

Mosquitoes are far more than an annoyance. They can transmit malaria, yellow fever, dengue fever, and in case you haven't heard, the potentially deadly West Nile virus.

But you already knew that. Here are 14 things you didn't know about the little bloodsuckers:

1. "Mosquito" is a Spanish and Portuguese word meaning "little fly." The English, who call Band-Aids "plasters" and cookies "biscuits," used to call them "gnats."

2. There are more than 2,500 different species of mosquitoes worldwide; about 200 in the United States. A new species, called Anopheles grabhamii, was discovered in the Florida Keys in 2001.

3. Male mosquitoes are attracted to females by the distinct sound of their wing beat. The attraction is so irresistible that a power plant in Canada kept malfunctioning until engineers realized that thousands of dead male mosquitoes were gumming it up. Apparently the plant sounded like their next fling.

4. A female mosquito (the only ones that bite) may probe your skin up to 20 times before finding the right blood vessel. She injects a substance that keeps your blood from coagulating to make sipping it easier.

5. A mosquito has a nerve in its stomach that lets it know when it's full. If you cut that nerve, it keeps sucking blood until it explodes.

6. Mosquitoes almost moved Memphis, Tenn.: An 1878 yellow fever outbreak killed more than 5,000 of the city's 33,000 residents. After the outbreak, some town leaders wanted to level the city, salt the earth and re-establish the town elsewhere.

7. The mosquito-borne West Nile virus was first identified in 1937 in Uganda near the western bank of the Nile Valley. It was first seen outside that region in Israel in the 1950s and later in Europe and parts of Western Asia. In 1999, it was first discovered in the United States in New York City.

8. So how did the virus cross the Atlantic? Nobody knows for sure, but there are a few theories.

Theory A: Infected mosquitoes stowaway on a flight to the United States.

Theory B: A bird carrying high levels of the virus is illegally imported or is blown across the Atlantic by the jet stream or freak storms and later bitten by a mosquito.

Another theory: West Nile virus is a bioterrorism agent introduced by Saddam Hussein's goons. (This was proposed by a columnist for the right-leaning newsmax.com).

Forty-one states have official state insects or butterflies, but no state has chosen mosquitoes as its bug of choice. This is most likely because mosquitoes bite and sometimes kill people.

Mosquitoes aren't all bad: They're food for other insects, fish, frogs, bats and birds. They also help pollinate plants.

11. For the most part, mosquitoes feed on nectar or rotting fruit. The females drink blood only when they're ready to lay eggs.

12. A mosquito can find you from 65 to 115 feet away. She first smells the carbon dioxide and lactic acid you exhale, and as she gets closer she sees you moving. The heat your body generates guides her to the unprotected part of your body.

13. A mosquito will drink two to three times her weight in blood. She's so heavy after a blood meal that she can barely fly.

14. Good luck trying to find a place where mosquitoes don't live. They can be found at 8,000 feet up in the Himalayas, below sea level in the California desert, above the Arctic circle and in the Sahara desert.

i came across that article when i was trying to google good things about mosquitoes after i discovered two mosquito bites on my shoulder. there must be a reason for their existence. mostly, they're good for pollination and sucking the sticky sap off of trees and plants but scientists don't think that there would be a significant impact on the ecosystem if they all disappeared. so then why? whyyyy must we live with mosquitoes. arg.

corinne bailey rae

i really like her. smooth feel-good mellow music. kind of has a norah jones, eryka badu, macy gray-ish sound.